I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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