New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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