the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
