The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize