Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
