Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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