OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize