My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
