The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
