is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
