this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
