Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Randomize
