i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
