listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
