i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
