YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
