i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
