9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
