Can Purell be used as lube?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
