First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Welp...herpes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
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