I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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