its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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