I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize