And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
