They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
