I haven't been this sober since birth.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am available for nakedness
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
