i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
