12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
