you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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