everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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