saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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