Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
