Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
