yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize