i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
