He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
