I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
