They should really pass out barf bags in church
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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