so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize