I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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