Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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