I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
