PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
