i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
