He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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