franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
