Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
