I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
