My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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