WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
