Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
