"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
worst night to have a conscience
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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