Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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