i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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