capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
