i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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