Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
