I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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