Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
