I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
