Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
