you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
