No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
