put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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