Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
