I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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