i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
