He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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