"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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