i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
