Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
