one might say we're banned from that church
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
