Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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