I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
