I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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