Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
