We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
