At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
