You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
