I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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