I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
