just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize