so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
