I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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