Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The air taste purple.
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