Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
