I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
