dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize