Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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