So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i think i have two assholes
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
