It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
