normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
