why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
