I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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