My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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