Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
