careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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