So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
